How I pulled my puddin’

1. Monsoon.    I arrive at the gym soaken wet.  Soaked. Water gushing out of my cute little peep toe heels even before I step into the puddle that is so deep that the water covers my ankle.  Hair dripping.  But I am determined so I forge ahead into the gym.

2. The number of times I accidentally hit the EMERGENCY STOP button on the treadmill.  News Flash: when your thumb hits the emergency stop button, it stops.  If you are going at a fairly good clip it is quite noticeable.   The only faster way to stop a treadmill?  Power outage.  I know because I got to try that twice.

3.  The number of treadmills I tried today.  First one didn’t work.  So I moved.  Darn if I didn’t have trouble on that one.  Moved to a THIRD only to discover that they first 2 weren’t broken…I was just to stupid to start them.   I used more calories changing treadmills then I did during the cardio portion of my workout.

4.  The number of minutes I wasted holding the plug-in to my headphones at a 90 degree angle to counteract the short that caused the static in my ears.  Did I mention that these were new headphones?  Did I mention that I had to hold the plug because during my treadmill journey I had turned the volume all the way up thinking that it was broken. It wasn’t.  The sound starts when your feet done.  On the 4th attempt at getting my workout started I was NOT going to stop, nor could I stop to try to turn down the volume.  At least if I held the headphones the intense volume was TV sounds instead of static.  Of course to hold the plug I had to stand very close to the controls which meant that I was close to the bumper of the treadmill.  What does that mean?  Well…when your tennis shoes hit the hard plastic bumper versus the moving platform….you stumble and trip.  Yep.

5. 5x the speed I meant to go when I got a little cocky and tried to up the speed of the treadmill.  Somehow I went from fat-old-lady pace straight to professional-athlete speed with the single press of a button that I didn’t even know was there.  The acceleration speed this treadmill would make Porsche proud.

6. The number of times I cussed, out loud, while trying to move fast enough to get back to the controls to stop the treadmill going 5x faster than I meant for it to.  Of course I couldn’t hear myself dropping the mack daddy of all cuss words because the super-dooper speed had thrown my all the way to the end of the treadmill which caused to me drop my 90 degree hold on the shorted out wires which  caused  static to  BLARE  in my ears.  Where is that emergency stop when you actually need it?

7. The number of times I thought….’don’t cry’, keep going…you can blog about this later.

8. The number of reps I did before realizing that I was using the machine wrong.

9.  The number of things I tried to get the glute machine to work before deciding I had enough humiliation for one day and moved on.

10. 10 pounds move weight then I should have used on the machine that works out your inner thighs.  “pulled my puddin'” as my mama would say.  And that was all I could take.  Work out OVER.

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