Helicopter parenting. I know what you are thinking. So this week has some events that as a helicopter mom I yearn to control. As a realist I know I can’t. They have to unfold the way they are going to unfold and my job is to let that happen. Holy god this is hard.
Today was the first day wearing NEW White glasses. She’s so proud. She’s so happy. I know as well as I know that today is Monday that someone won’t love them as much as she does and her 10y old psyche will be scarred. I WANT to go to the school, look every single child in the eye and warn in my sternest mom voice with my sternest mom/mean face that they are not to say anything negative. Instead, I gave her a pep talk, a hug and said a little prayer as she headed out the door. And I’ll worry….all day.
Today sassafras said, “my Athena?” as we pulled out of the driveway. After a week she still longs for the comfort of her 2y class and the teacher she adores. “no”, I had to answer after pretending I couldn’t hear the first 10 times. “ms. France’s!” she loves ms France’s too but she knows that answering that way means she’s going into her big girl clasHands go into mouth. Big, expressive, brown Eyes well up and she goes quiet. My eyes well up now (again) just thinking about her scared little expression. I can’t fix it for her. I want to. I am bouncy and bright and positive when I leave my scared baby on her big girl world but I collapse in a heap once I leave her. And I’ll worry… All day.
Regional swim meet at UGA this weekend. Colton was out of the pool for 3/4 of the season. His last meet was the state finals where he took gold in 3 events. (here I go again-welling up). He’s not physically ready to compete and I know he’s not mentally prepared to lose. He’s going to. Conditioning and other boys growth spurts are going to make the difference. He’s scared. Genuine, panic-stricken fear that causes his voice a to shake and his eyes to drop at every mention. He’s got to swim. He’s got to give 100% and he’s got to find pride in whatever place he ends up in. He won’t. At this point I am terrified he might psyche himself out and panic before the starting gun goes off. I am hugging him, encouraging him and telling him I am proud of him being in the race regardless of the finish. That doesn’t fix it for him. I can’t fix it for him. So I’ll worry. It’s a big week. For them and because of them, for me.