I have become a “BEFORE” picture.
And although I often lament about my physical size there has been a certain denial involved. “Once I get back into an exercise routine…” or “…I haven’t been eating lunch …” or “next week I am sure things will be back to normal”. Not looking directly into a mirror isn’t the answer. Trying to find the ‘comfortable’ clothes in the closet rather then acknowledging that they are fat clothes isn’t the answer. Buying used clothing in the right size ‘just for now’ isn’t the answer.
The answer is a lot of hard work AND professional help. I need to own up that things are out of control and admit that I don’t have the tools to fix it. Admitting the problem is the first step, right? Well…I am admitting it. I have a problem. I am not ready to put in black and white the actual weight of the problem but I might have to before this is over.
First thing to address: I am a stress eater. I know this. I take comfort in comfort foods. And lately I’ve needed a LOT of comfort. I don’t eat ice cream, I don’t eat fried food, and I don’t eat chips or things drenched in cheese. I don’t. Mistakenly I thought that by NOT doing those admittedly bad things that the universe would award me with a slimmer physique. Wrong. I also don’t eat vegetables, drink milk or portion out my food. Turns out those DON’TS far outweigh the DON’TS of fried food and chips. My fear is that the vegetables and the portion sizes are going to be the most difficult obstacle to overcome.
I’ve been skinny. I’ve been too skinny. Really. Looking at me now I know you wouldn’t believe it but it’s true. I once had to belt a size 4-skirt to keep it on. Really. Now I don’t think I could get one leg in a size 4. Belts? Puh-Leeze. Putting a belt on this body is like trying to cinch in a can of biscuits….even if you get that middle area tightened you are going to have some spillage. The extra is going up or it’s going down. It’s going somewhere. There is NOTHING pretty about busting all out of anything.
I’ve become a before picture.
Yesterday I was shopping for an outfit to wear to a really fun event. After trying on the e 3rd potential outfit it became clear that while the event may be fun, my attire choices would not be. Those skirts and cute little tops may say LARGE but they certainly shouldn’t be worn in that size. If you gotta cinch it up to get it in then maybe you best not be wearing it. Using the description “skinny jeans” in anything above a size 10 is just obscene. At some point they stop being skinny jeans and just become middle-aged-shapeless-slacks-in-cute-colors. Same is true of shorts. At a certain size you should just stop considering them as an option. Maxi skirts…at my size they double as a tent. Maybe they should market it that way. ATTENTION size XX ladies-buy this skirt and use it as a deck awning when you aren’t wearing it.
Cleavage. On a single digit body it is attractive. Coveted. On a BEFORE body cleavage is no longer a good thing. I’ve quit looking down even to see where I am walking because I am sick of seeing my own cleavage. I have cleavage in shirts that weren’t designed to show cleavage. This is NOT a good thing.
Bumpy back…also not a good thing. When you have to turn around to view your clothes from the back to assess how closely you resemble a can of biscuits there is a problem. And that problem is NOT with the shirt.
Will Smith songs are cool but not when they are your theme song. “Get jiggy wit ‘it” should not be the lyrics resonating in your head when you are moving at anything beyond a stroll.
I am a BEFORE picture but I plan to do the work so that I can become the AFTER.