In honor of Father’s Day I am going to use some of my Dad’s expressions to explain my day.
If it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all. Today we got notified that my daughter’s All-Star Softball tournament and the county swim meet are at…drum roll please…the same time on the same day. How I am going to be 2 places at once I have no idea. How I am going to NOT be at either event –I have no idea. Added to that is that my daughter has to miss out on swimming at UGA’s Natatorium and that since she can’t swim at county she is automatically NOT able to go to District or State. Dang. She finally makes all stars and has started the swimming season splendidly and now she’s double booked. I will worry and fret and worry some more and there isn’t a thing I can do about it.
Almost nearly but not quite hardly. I was almost nearly but not quite hardly wearing a cute outfit today. The potential was there but mid-day I realized that I had my dress on backwards. YES, backwards. That choking sensation I felt all day…it wasn’t in my mind. My dress and the tag were actually choking me. Had I been wearing it the right way I would not have had that problem.
Also applies to me walking over an important interview to our Administrative Building-I stepped outside, without an umbrella, and immediately looked like a drowned rat. As I was looking backward and apologizing to the umbrella yielding candidate I failed to notice that I was leading him thru a virtual river. My cute, flat, red leather shoes and my ankles were immediately underwater. Being 2 steps behind me his beautiful leather loafers suffered the same fate. I squished my way to the interview location–speaking to a VP and a Director on my way out. Their odd looks were explained when I got back to the office and discovered my mascara is obviously NOT waterproof as was evident my the black streaks down my face.
Let us recap–dress on backwards, hair drenched, water literally squishing out of my shoes like Old Faithful and the eye make-up that would have made KISS proud–almost nearly but not quite hardly made a GRAND impression….
Every time we asked where mom was my dad would answer, “She went to join the Army to learn how to drive a jeep.” Today after about the 4th non-crisis-but-chaos-inducing phone call I was ready to enlist. Learning to drive a Jeep looked real good about 2pm.
“I am going to trade her in on a redhead to match the dog.” When I was a year old I got an Irish Setter named, “Libby’s 1st Christmas.” Today when I informed Phil that I had volunteered his services to the All-Star Coach and went on to excitedly pitch my ideas on how to use him and his pictures to raise money for team, well, I am sure at that point he would have happily traded me in. About the 3rd…”and you could do this” I bet he was filling out a profile on match.com.
Close only counts in horse-shoes and hand-granades. That about sums up my to-do list today. And my outfit…
Dark-Thirty. That undefinable time when we were allowed to do something…it was the equivalent of the answer MAYBE. I feel like it will be dark-thirty before I successfully accomplish anything today.
Make it light on yourself. When asked about curfew or missing school this was the answer. We were allowed to decide for ourselves what time we needed to be home (within reason) and if we really needed to stay home from school. Today as I agreed to be Team Mom (all-stars), took on a project at work, volunteered for the swim meet and realized how many places I needed to have someone, somewhere this week that I was not making anything light on myself.
If he bites ya he won’t let go until it thunders. Snapping turtle advice. Only relevant because at one point as I was dashing thru shin deep puddles and heard the roll of thunder this phrase popped into my mind.
I am so broke I can’t afford to pay attention. Budget time…enough said on that subject. It’s time to re-enact Project Pauper.
If your hungry I’ll fry you and egg. No lie. The what’s for dinner question caused panic. Dinner? I hadn’t planned on dinner this week. With a 13year old man-child and a 10 year old home for the summer all my efforts went to junk food. Our pantry is stocked with enough snacks to feed a small country but no actual FOOD. Dinner? You guessed it. I am about to fry them all eggs, pat myself on the back for providing protein and treating myself to the last of my dad’s phrases which goes something like this, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”