Slip-Sliding Away

Disclaimer: I almost didn’t publish this because I don’t want anyone to think I think I am “slender”. I don’t but I am slender-er than I was which counts as a victory. 

Today I was hustling across the street to meet some friends for lunch. I was late (as usual) so I was walking briskly. About 1/2 way down the sidewalk I almost dropped my little container of lunch when i felt cold air against my skin. Oh no! This morning as i was runningbkate (as usual) I noticed a slight fashion faux paux…you see my comfortable panties were now so baggy that I could pull them up to my rib cage while my pants were so loose that they hit low at my hip bone. The shirt I had on was old and had obviously lost a little length. If I didn’t slouch just right my lilac (they used to be purple) panties hung out and were visible ABOVE my pants. Not good. Being late (as usual) I grabbed a shapeless black sweater that I used to use to cover met shapeless shape. I stuffed the panties down below the waistband of my pants. The extra fabric helped the pants from slipping.  With the sweater buttoned, a slouch and by hitching my hips forward I was able to make the hem of the shirt meet the top of the pants. Faux paux solved.

Being upright and walking briskly I temporarily forgot  my necessary slouched/hip jut posture. Result? Panties unbunched and made their way up and over the waistband. Had they had any elastic left they might have stayed put….since they didn’t they just sort of spilled out limply. My pants slipped lower allowing the cold air the hit my mid-riff. I hunched over to close the gap, grabbed a wad of pants to hitch them back up and chuckled my way across the street.

Just the day before my husband asked, “How attached are you to this outfit?” He was holding a pair of gray slinky pants. “I love it! It’s sooooooooo comfy!” He raised an eyebrow, raised the pants a little closer and said, “really?” Oh. Sticking out of the wad of fabric was a safety pin the size of an old, 1970 diaper pin. It held together 2 folds of fabric almost halving the waist band. “The vest covers it,” I weakly argued. He shook his head and left the room with the hastily, clumsily re-sized garment. When he left I searched the closet for the pair of pants worn earlier in the week with an even LARGER pin in the waist band.

 Now lets be real…the re-sized garments are the largest I’ve ever worn so having to alter their size a smidgen is hardly a reason to start shopping for a bikini. I am not “high school skinny” as the radio commercial claims…not that I was skinny in high school….but you get the point. I am not quite in single digit garments-unless they are cut large 🙂 but I am out if the BIG GIRL (literally) clothes which makes me happy. So happy that sagging britches and panties that will almost double as a brassiere are good problems to have.




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