The first

There is going to be a first for every part of my new life.

Today I have 2. First “family type event” with a literal empty seat beside me. The universe does indeed have a sense of humor. Luckily my mom came and was in front of me so I want ALONE but that empty chair just reminded me that WE was just me.

First time my little girl spends the night away with her other parent.

The fact that both of these happened on the very day I have one leave elementary school and one graduating middle school just makes it harder.

Well hell.

I will wallow in that a bit.

Guess the key is to combat the sad first with some good first. Like maybe my first margarita on my new/old deck. Maybe tonight will be the first good nights sleep.

I am going to have to face a lot if first: first holiday with my children not all being together and the first birthday alone. First time I use my new name. First time……lots if first.

There are some first that don’t seem so big but that may, just may, kick my booty. Programming my DVD. Figuring out “streaming tv” or my non-actual line landline. The tent-Lordy-putting down and taking down the tent. Forgot about that first…stood there looking around hoping that no one noticed I was clueless. Somebody did. Somebody’s husband came over and took it down for me. Humiliating. That’s not a first-that humiliation part. Guess relying on other peoples husband is something else to get used to.

So I’ll get through each one. Hopefully each one gets a little easier. Except the technical stuff-that’s guaranteed to continue to make me a dolt.

For every first that hurts I am going to try and so a first that doesn’t. Tonight I’ll find a way to celebrate the first summer if my 6th grader and my-gulp-high schooler. I’ll cook my first meal in my new/old house. I’ll sit and watch tv for the first time.

I have to get through the first so I can get to the second and third an eventually get to stop counting and just start living.


2 thoughts on “The first

  1. As you ask others for help, remember that you can do many things they can’t do. They might need painting advice, or hot glue lessons, or just a good margarita. We are all in this together. There is a WE you belong to, but, in truth, you are just fine as a ME—maybe you’ll discover you are a spectacular Me.

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