The absurdity of me current situation was made abundantly clear today.
“Let meah git this rwight,” drawled the ethnic secretary at the power company. I only describe this because it added to the oddness of the moment. This beautiful girl in front if me was the last person on the room you would expect to sound like had just stepped off the stage of her-haw. I couldn’t make her voice match her face. “Ya want to take the power from heyah and move it there-ah,” she tilted her head to the side and said, “could ya start all over?”
“Sure-but gran a pen cause you are going to need a flow chart,” I answered. “I had power at 123 address but moved it to 345 address. Now I need to move my deposit and account back to 123 and move the current account back from 123 to 344.”
She stopped writing and once again titled her head to the side as if trying to solve a difficult and complex algebraic equation…which in a way I guess it was. 1ex + 2ex=crazy squared.
“And who lives at 345 again?”
“And whose account will you be transferring?”
“My ex-husbands.” I was about to lose her again.
Sure enough the head tilts to the side again,”…you want to transfer your ex-husbands account to the house where your husband lives?”
When you put it like that it sounds downright crazy because it certainly didn’t sound this crazy when I walked in.
“Yes.” At this point someone stepped out of an office and came to stand behind my girl. Back-up I guess.
“And you need your account….where?”
“123 address.” Maybe I should draw the flow chart. “It might be easier if I tell you the story,”
In unison they all said,”you don’t have to tell us,” but they leaned forward anyway. This was better then the afternoon “stories” they watched once upon a time.
“I am moving OUT of the house and into the townhouse where my ex-husband lives,” odd but okay. They are all still with me. At the point another clerk has stopped working and another has stopped making her paper flowers. I had an audience now. “My ex-husband,” hang I ladies it’s about to get interesting. “My ex-husband is moving I withy husband.” Yep-that did it. Out of pure meanness I added, ” and both houses are a block from one another.” Minds. Blown.
They were dying to ask questions but couldn’t with the supervisor there. The supervisor was dying to know more but didn’t want to are a bad example.
“I had a power account at the 123 address before I got re-married and moved to 345. Turns out I re-married the same issues I had before and am moving my babies,” I turned and waves to said babies waiting in the car. “So the issues are going to be roommates and I am going back where I started.” There. That should clear things rightup.
“…we have to turn off 123 and turn in 345. The ex-husband will have to come in the same day as the turn off to avoid disconnect….” The supervisor said filling on the awkward silence.
“Oh he’s on his way now,” I assured her.
“The ex or the other one?” Asked my original clerk.
“The ex,” I replied. “He doesn’t trust the husband to have it in his name. There is a story there too…..”
Clerk 1 and crafty clerk both threw up their hands as if to say ‘NO MORE’. “That’s okay.” Clerk 1 slid a single form across the Formica counter. Probably because she feared that anyone with this story wasn’t fully capable of much she also wordlessly handed over a pen.
“This is so NOT how I envisioned my life going,” I admitted as I filled in the blanks.
Clerk 2 shook her head and said sympathetically, “it never is honey”.
Tip-tap-tip-tap. Southern belle was busy typing away. Suddenly the tip-tapping stopped. She sounded like she wanted to cry as she said,”oh no-where do I send the bill?”
I leave and run the the car to call and make sure the ex can get to the office today. As much as the woman scorned would like to have them without power it’s not my style.
I return quickly and see them all huddled up talking to one another. They break apart and look at my sheepishly. “It’s okay,” I assured them. “I’d be talking about me too.” And I meant it. “You can laugh too,” I said without a trace of sarcasm because I was being genuine. “I would laugh at me if it weren’t happeningto me.”
At that moment ex #1 burst into the teeny-tiny office, “well let’s get this done,” he says loudly. They all paled a bit. He appeared to be ready to start telling the story all over again.
I needed to nip that in the bus. We’ve already done enough damage here. “I’ve already filled them in-just sign here,” I motioned for clerk 1 to give me another form. She did. “Well did you find out how behind 345 is because…” I think we’ve aired enough dirty laundry for one day so I talked over him and said, “sign. It’s happening Monday.”
Maybe by the time I tell this to the water company, the cable guy, my new neighbor who collects homeowner dues and the trash company this will get easier. Ha! Probably not.
Bet I’ll be the topic of conversation tonight….