Tarnished

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It’s silly how little, insignificant things can make you happy.

My bracelet made me happy. Every bead told a story or told the story of what someone else thought of me. During a busy day the little chunky, happy looking bird-the first charm I got-would catch my eye. It was a happy little bird. I was happy looking at my fat little bird.

My life is full if meetings and deadlines and a bit if stress here if late. Every once in awhile when I felt a bit overwhelmed I would grasp a charm and rub away as if it were a worry stone. Typically it was the rounded pretzel charm. I have memories of soft, salted pretzels from everywhere I’ve ever been-Arizona, New York, Gatlinburg and everywhere in between. You don’t eat warm, fluffy salted pretzels alone. It was a whimsical charm and it used to help me remember that there wasn’t a whole lot a warm pretzel and a cold craft beer couldn’t fix.

“We are pregnant, it’s a girl and a happy birthDay pink flower immediately made me think of my Sadie Carolina.

The Queen Bee was a reminder that thought I can be a big, uh, B—-well you know i wasn’t without some fans. This sassy charm was just a reminder that not everyone thought I was such a a bad b-.

The softball reminds me of being at the beach when my big girl found out she had accomplished a dream-being named an all-star. Everyone should see their daughter that happy at least once. She’s not always that happy but the charm reminded me that she could be.

The star was for the success of my state champion swimmers. All that swimming represents for my fella is captured in that little star. There is a baby blue bead representing swim lanes that I got before I even knew how much swimming and would come to mean.

A bright blue glass bead reminds me of my tenacious little guy who was a YMCA Panther. His helmet was too big for his body but he took that field like a giant. What he lacked in size he made up for in sheer determination. He was all heart-even then.

Birthday, Mother’s Day and holidays in between have a charm. I have peridots for my august birthday. Pink sapphires for my girls. Bright red-cause every girl needed a little red in her life.

The bracelet was heavy and solid and reassuring on my arm.

Notice some of my sentences are past tense and some are present. That’s because my charms used to make me happy but now-well now they make me sad. Sometimes a single bead makes me both-at the same time.

Silly how things can make you happy one day and not the next. So I took it off. Though I feel a little lost without my sparkle I wanted to put it away while things boil
and simmer and spin out of control. I don’t want all that the beads represent to become tarnished. Someday I hope I can take it out, shine it up and re -introduce myself to it’s stories. I hope putting it away stops the tarnishing if all my happy, sparkly reminders.

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One thought on “Tarnished

  1. Pingback: The facets in a memory | likemymamasays

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