I (can’t) dude it all myself


“I dude it myself!” Says the petulant toddler. For dramatic effect she stamps her chubby little foot in the floor and folds her arms across her chest. The lower lip pokes out in animated picture of stubbornness. Once I swear I heard her add a “hmprh”.

Wonder where she got that ?

“I dude it myself!” I think it and say it so often that a am thinking of getting a t-shirt imprinted with these words. That t with the “I dude it myself” blazing across the front. Superman style! And of course since I am a superwoman capable of managing every aspect of my life I deserve to ‘strike a pose’ with my superhuman motto for all the world to see-right?!?

I am not 4 but I am starting to see that I act like one. “I dude it myself” I think as I try to manage 2 busy kids, a dog, a job that’s bigger than me right now and some life business that is way out of my league. And I go about doing all that needs doing. Myself.

Turns out I am not doing so well. Lost wallets, overdue library books, food less cabinets, dirty floors, a nasty car and over budget on groceries-despite not having anything to eat. Yep-I am anxiously awaiting that “mother of the year” prize van to come screeching to a hault in front of my house.

Let’s face it. Doing it my yourself if hard enough when everything is going as planned. Let your life jump off track and it becomes downright impossible to manage it all.

I suck at asking or accepting help.

Today I heard a blog snippet from a English nanny that said we are I danger of ruining our kids lives. She listed 4 reasons. The last one “we’ve lost our village caught my attention. Used to be there were communities of people who looked after one another. Something called ‘neighbors’ used to exist. If I were playing and got hungry I could stop at the Hoailmans house-the Gooches house and pretty much every house in between. Same if I skinned my knee or fell off my bike. My mom could call her friend and have her get me off the bus-GASP- without a note if she was running late. There were villages of friends, families and neighbors to help. And it takes a village to raise good children.

We stated working more-working outside the home. Strangers took over the rearing of our babies. Strangers you had to pay handsomely to mind over the wee ones from 7a-6pm and &15 dollars for every minute there after. We lost neighbors because we were busy shuttling our kids around from activity to activity on those precious days off work. Weekends I think they are called.

Back to me. Did I mention that I suck at asking or accepting help? I hate it.

However- every once in awhile I stumble onto something I can’t “dude myself” like-oh-I don’t know- taking a rambunctious puppy/dog on a 3 1/2 hour drive to sit outside at a swim meet with hundreds of other idiots?

Luckily I am friends (that still feels awkward to say) fuh-ree-uhh-nay-dddd-z with people who encourage me to and and accept help. Especially now. One such amazing friend is brilliant at building a network if support that she can call on anytime. Another friend has a real gift info building tribes. Yet another is adept at planning and carrying out grand plans. The tribe I am in (weeee) make it easy-well, easier- to admit that “I might need some help.”

Tonight I dropped off my dog to a friend that didn’t hesitate for a second when I finally got the courage to ask. An adopted member if our tribe (her colorful mom) was equally willing to help me “dude something I couldn’t dude myself.”

I still suck and asking or accepting help.

But I did it-I asked and now yet another person is reaching into my life to help me. Willingly. I still shake my head a bit when I thing about all the help that has been offered as of late.

It takes a village. Sometimes you just can’t “dude” it all by yourself.


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