Faux Paus

Walking down the major street to get to my office this morning I had a sudden thought…let me back up a bit…crazy morning.

Big girl wanted chicken biscuits this morning. Little girl did not want to get up and big boy-well-he’s just learned to lay low and out of our way in the mornings. I made the biscuits (I wish I could let you think I sifted flour and kneaded dough but I can’t. I opened a bag of frozen biscuits and frozen chicken patties and put them on a pan. I DID pre-heat the oven!) I was so busy patting myself on the back for sending my beloved’s out the door with a nice, warm breakfast in their bellies that I forgot to get myself ready.

Once I realized the time I grabbed some clothes, literally, jumped into them and buttoned and tucked as I was heading to the door. Along the way I had to stop and pick up baby girl who had sprawled out in the floor way, thumb in her mouth, and had promptly fallen back asleep. We were partway to the car when she realized she’d left her chicken biscuit on the table. No way was I letting a warm breakfast go to waste. We tromped back inside, gathered the breakfast, found a baggy and packed it up. While in there I remembered that I had prepared a crock pot full of pork loin that I hadn’t turned on so I tackled that task quickly. Threw together a quick lunch of leftovers and prepared to head BACK out the door. Baby girl had resumed her position on the floor with her thumb in her mouth. This time she was lying on the chicken biscuit. Nice. I gathered her, my lunch, my purse and my calendar up in one arm while grabbing her homework with the other. This time we made it all the way to the car.

Our little segue cost valuable time. Needless to say we missed the window for the teacher grabbing the pre-K child from the car. I had to park and walk her in. She didn’t appreciate being woken again so she went ahead and melted down right there in front of the day care’s glass fronted office. Epic meltdown. Went limp when I tried to get her from the car, squished her already squashed chicken biscuit in her chubby hands and did the whole arms crossed, lip out pouting posture. As there was an audience I admonished her ‘poor choices’ and attempted to gently pull her from the car. She’s a lug and when she’s limp there is no gently pulling this child anywhere. Out of the car door she and the seat toppled to the ground in spectacular fashion. As I am righting that particular wrong she takes her ‘homework’ and crumples it into a ball and hurls it away from us. Now…you are free to silently judge my parenting skills here. I myself was questioning my abilities right about this point. Again, there was an audience, so I grabbed her hand a little firmly and proceeded to lecture her on being rude and making poor choices all the way inside the school. I did this loudly so there was no question that this was acceptable. We made it to her classroom where I made no direct eye contact with anyone. I placed the crumpled ball of paper in front of the teacher, wished her luck and tried to head out the door. Since we were out of the normal routine my girl was all a tither. She attached herself to my leg and starting wailing. EGAD. After some creative finagling and disentangling I sprinted to the door and got out of there.

So…back to my sudden thought. I am hustling down a 5 lane street trying to get to my office when it dawns on me- I have on dark teal underwear. Not just any dark teal undies–large, blousy undies leftover from my maternity days. (hey—they are comfortable!) I am also wearing very pale yellow pants. Pale… Pale, thin yellow pants. Do you see my dilemma? At this point about 15 others do. There is the group at the bus stop that I have to walk through, the line of cars stopped at the light that I have to walk by and the nice, precious young man who is probably here for his physician screening that holds the door open for me…they all see-LITERALLY see my dilemma. I don’t have a shoulder bag so I can’t scoot that behind me to cover my mistake. It’s not cold enough for a jacket. I’ve got nothing; nothing but thin, pale yellow, snug pants and dark, blousy undies which are probably hanging out of the waistband of my trendy, low riding, pale yellow pants.

Despite my humiliation I had to chuckle. Leave it to me, the fashion queen that I am, to make such a mistake. I was already a bit embarrassed to be donning yellow pants during the fall but a) they fit b) they were hanging there and c) it was better work attire than my orange-chenille-mangy-robe. Perhaps I should have taken a bit more time to think this through.

Isn’t it funny- we go through our days keeping our unmentionables hidden from the world. We cover up our structure and only allow the world to see the outside. The side we’ve made presentable for the public. On the inside we are still wearing the same tired, strung out, misshapen self that we don’t think the world would approve of. And yet today I made the poor choice to let the world see what the unmentionables. And the choice is wrong. The underneath that I’ve put out there for the world, even unintentionally, is a faux paus. Welcome to my world. I tend to brazenly go where no one dares go but I typically do so wearing droopy, mismatched socks or tights in lieu of leggings. I am a hot mess. It’s a bit like Facebook. If you just looked at everyone’s post you would see perfect lives, happy families, picture-perfect houses and engaging hobbies. That’s the outside. Pull back a little bit and you’ll see the junk in the corner that was cropped out of the shot. The posts are presentable, the moments before the post, eh, not so much. The inside of our lives isn’t so pretty and perfect. The inside, for most of us, is wrinkled and worn and a bit tattered…like my teal undies.

I’ll be doing a lot of sitting today.


7 thoughts on “Faux Paus

    • I would have been tempted to be late for work to go home and change! Takes some “eggs” to do what you did. Your mom has a good idea, wish I could get organized like that. Enjoy your blog.

      • No eggs-just a LARGE TO-DO and the humiliation of telling my boss why I had to leave and come back. I just kept my tael clad boody one chair and prayed I didn’t get called into a meeting.

  1. Bravo for just brazening it out. Think about the joy you brought to strangers. They will talk about this to friends. Your friends will enjoy taunting you about this. Imagine me, sitting on the sofa, laughing my ^&( off. Much love, you go girl.

  2. I think this one is one of my Fav Libby!!! I am dying laughing!!! I have had many many mornings just like that…minus the pale yellow pants! Lol! I had to read some of this to Scott and he was laughing too…he said, “sounds just like our mornings!” See!! You are not alone!! Love how REAL you are in your posts!! Looooove u!!

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