Collision course

It’s 2am. My baby is tucked up under me with skin so hot it’s burning my leg. 103.3 while on tylenol. She’s shivering and pitiful. I’ve dosed her again with Motrin and am anxiously waiting for it to take effect.

This is when you miss another adult. Miss having some to ask,”should I be worried?” Someone else to hold the sick one while you do the work that has to be done. Someone to calm you down when she starts panting and moaning.

I don’t have another adult. It’s me. I didn’t do the work but held the poor thing instead. I calmed myself down and I jumped on the internet to find out if I should be worried. That’s just the way it is.

Now it’s 2am and I am worried about that work that didn’t get done. I am worried about that 9 am meeting I have with someone way more important than me. I am worried about the 10am presentation that I have to give. At work there is a high priority list of things that have to get done, by me, tomorrow because a project that I have been working on for over a year is set to launch. There is so much that needs to be done-so much I have to do.

And then I fret because a sick little girl is curled up next to me. I feel guilty for worrying about work when she needs me so much. I am lucky that I have a mom who is coming in to save the day and keep my sickling tomorrow. She’ll love on her and keep her comfortable so that I can go and load data and attend my meetings and do all that needs to be done. I am grateful for that, grateful to her

But it’s 2:20am now and the Motrin hasn’t worked yet. I can’t sleep until it does. So I lay here-eyes wide open with my girl laying on my shoulder. All I can do is type this on my phone and think about all I have to do. And worry. Worry that I’ll won’t be able to do anything tomorrow because I didn’t sleep tonight. Worry that this Motrin isn’t working. Worried that I might miss something. I worry that this is more than a cold. I worry that she will think that I think work is more important.

It’s the working mother syndrome with acute single-working-mother symptoms. There isn’t a cure. You just work through the symptoms as they occur.

With my 2 worlds spinning so fast it was inevitable that they collide. That they chose this moment to collide sort of points to how my luck has been running this year.

Its 2:40 and I’ve distracted myself long enough for the Motrin to work. She’s resting more peacefully. I’ll try to do the same.



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