I did it. No exclamation point. A period. Something ended today. The preparation ends and the maintaining begins.
What I did-I did it quietly -as is NOT my typical style. I hope I did it humbly. I thought I would happy dance around the office WAHOO’ing and hi-diving anyone in sight. I didn’t.
I was loud and boisterous during the project. My nickname was brazen and bold because I forged ahead into unchartered territory. I learned things I didn’t know. I taught things to others -things that they didn’t know (and didn’t really want to learn). During The project I whopped and hollered at every victory and ranted and railed at every set-back. That’s more my style…today I did none of that.
There were people who didn’t think I could do it. There were people who hoped I couldn’t do it. But I did.
“Don’t let no one steal your joy,” a wise woman tells me weekly. I don’t know if I did or if this is just a different kind of joy.
There were people that believed it would happen…people who believed I could do it. I didn’t always think their faith was well placed but in the end they weren’t wrong.
All that I am-stubborn, intense, diligent , determined and headstrong…they were all needed here. With this project those traits weren’t faults-they were strengths. And that feels nice-to know that some of the things people don’t appreciate the most had a place, a purpose here.
I proved something to myself. I hope I proved something to some others as well though I doubt I did. Sometimes people believe what they want to believe despite what they see. And I have to be okay with that.
I didn’t do it alone. It took a team. But I was part of it-part of a team. At times I even led the team; sometimes I followed. I did both.
This has been a year in the making. A long, hard, horrible year occurring in parallel to this long, hard and ,at times, horrible project. I survived both. I am proud of that. Proud that I didn’t fall apart while the world around me did. Proud that I kept working and building and pressing even though there were moments when I wanted to do nothing more then curl up in a little ball and cry. Today was a success but I was vividly reminded of my failures. The failures of the past year(s).
“How was your day?” I was asked today.
“It was great. My project went live today.” I answered.
“That’s cool. What’s for dinner?”
And that was that. And that’s it. It’s over and done-today that is. The anticipation is over. The chance to celebrate is past. Tomorrow it’s just my job-a part of my job. Tonight I’ll lay down and maybe quietly whisper, “I. Did.it.”