Today went exactly as expected. Spoiled to pieces by my parents. One last gathering at Nanny-Danny’s house, a horrible exchange and lots of miles.
Sharing a child on a holiday is awful. Awful. Awful. I hated seeing my doodle bug drive away. My heart broke as she jumped up in that car and whizzed away- alone -when she had just before been surrounded by family. My fella remarked, “you aren’t the only one that has trouble with all of this,” with huge tears in his eyes as she pulled out of sight. I nodded for I knew what a struggle the day had been. But.. I knew it was coming and had planned for it. She rode away and so did we.
Road tripping was all I thought it would be…DELIGHTFUL. We started with a selfie. We ended with waffles at Wa-Ho as my fella called it. In between we saw: a giant peach, Played 20 questions (I won), found license plates from 12 states, conversed–yes-we talked-and laughed over a town called Dinwiddle. We snacked and sang songs and bickered over whose tunes we would play.
We needed this. We needed a change of scenery. We needed a little time to breathe. We needed a little excitement. And we needed something different this holiday. We are without our doodle bug and regardless of how hard we all tried we inevitably mentioned “last Christmas” which caused hurt and confusion and some anger. At one point my fella said.”Mom-last year at Christmas who paid for the presents?” The question sounds normal but is not. We are still finding reminders of how the deep the deception ran and it doesn’t get easier.
Oh well- Out with the old and in with the new. This weekend is going to be so packed with memories that there won’t be any room for old and painful memories. Those will be replaced by memories of adventure and new experiences.
Today was filled with reminders of how good my life is. I have a tribe of kind and generous friends who helped save the holiday. I have family who loves me. My parents who still spoil me and who made sure this holiday was happy. My big kids father was kind and generous this season which is the only was our adventure is possible. Best of all I have my 3 babies. And now I have the chance to be with 2 of them creating memories.
Even as I type this my goofy son is wearing a fur lined hat his gramsey and grandpa gave him. He hasn’t taken it off and he’s said no less then 20 times what a cool hat it is. He’s chucking in that adorable little way of his at something I just said. He’s not angry. He’s not bitter and he’s not sad anymore. My daughter is researching things to see and do tomorrow so we don’t waste a single moment. She’s not snarky, quiet or confused. They are being kind to one another (a Christmas miracle). It’s a light hearted attitude. It’s exactly what I had hoped for from this day.
…and to all a good night.