“Mama-I gonna sit in da middle so I can see you,” proclaimed my little one. She scooted her seat over, hopped up and opened her little Baggie of cinnamon rolls. I buckled her up and we set off.
It was the first morning of pre-k after the holidays. After lots of shuffling about from
Parent to parent and home to home my little mouse was a little (lot) clingy and a lot nervous about going back to school (hence her desire to keep a close eye on me).
“Look at dat purty, purty pink sky mama! Dat bootiful,” she said in between bites. We were a half mile from home. The sky was pink and the ice twinkled on the pasture beside us. It was pretty. We were talking about the pretty morning when…
3 things happened at once. Suddenly I was off the road, there was an explosion and screams. Dumbfounded I glanced left-there was a sea of brown floating in the air. I glanced back and my pretty girl had cinnamon bite mid-air right beside her open mouth. The mouth that was open and screaming. She’s twinkling like the meadow we were just admiring. Only it’s not ice I am seeing-It’s glass. She’s covered in it. Luckily we were knocked off the road because I threw open my door and, ignoring the sea of ice, jumped in the back sear. “You are okay, we are okay, you are okay,” I repeat over and over and over as I brush tiny shards out of her hair, her clothes and her legs. She’s crying. I notice glass covering the cinnamon bite she’s about to eat. I knock it out of her hand. ” We are okay-we are okay-we are okay” I keep saying. I say it over and over and over until she stops screaming.
We were okay. I spent the cold and windy ride to school and to work thinking, ‘1 break. I need one break. 2015 was supposed to be better. When is it going to be better? What have I done? Why? Why is all this happening?”
Later it occurred to me. There are 2 ways to look at this. Neither would be wrong-at least I don’t think so. I can’t imagine being told it was wrong to lament “oh dear-oh woe is me” if I were to list out the challenges I have faced in the past year. I believe I have every right to curse fate and cry out this sucks. Because it does–all of it –sucks. Part of me is tempted to do just that.
But….oh dear…as tempting as it is…today I realized the other option. And that other option is to not lament over the bad but to realize the good of the bad.
Had Sadie not moved her seat to the middle-which she has never done before-the hoof or the antler that penetrated the door jamb would have penetrated her head.
Had she not moved her seat or asked for her cinnamon bites in a Baggie I might have encountered that deer a few seconds earlier. Any earlier and it would have hit the front which would have deployed air bags.
Had the impact not knocked us off the road I might have been rear ended in my haste to stop the car and get to my screaming little glass covered baby in the back seat.
Had I not been in the newer, safer car the damages could have been physical and not just to fixable property.
Had I given in to my reflex reaction to save as much money as possible during the great fall of 2014 I would not have good insurance or be in such good hands.
Had it been a few weeks earlier I could not have given my bigs a Christmas.
Had the excitement not happened my little bug wouldn’t have had a story to tell or have gotten a little extra attention from her teacher today thus making the first day back traumatic for her.
I started 2015 with a dryer that stopped working, a cracked tooth, a stopped up drain, a broken heater in a house that is/isn’t mine and 486 emails. Today I added a wrecked car. It’s not what I hoped for. No denying that. It sucks. No denying that either. I could stop there.
But I choose not to. I choose to acknowledge the suckiness of it all without dwelling there. Instead I am going to bask in my good fortune that we were a few seconds late, that she moved her seat and be thankful that the hoof ruined my door and not my daughter. I am going to congratulate myself of the sensible decision to keep myself in good hands. I going to take my emails one at a time. I going to put on my big girl panties and go to the dentist. I can’t look at things from a woe is me way. I need to look at them in more of a matter of fact way. It’s not “oh dear” But simply “a deer.”