I am taking back my memories.
Memories, I’ve discovered, are multi-faceted. You turn them just a bit and you see something totally different.
At lunch Monday I was silently admiring my friends memory bracelet. I knew each bead told a story for her. Each bead held a memory. I thought of my own braclet and how it used to make me happy. I thought back to when days were stressful and how one glimpse at one little bead would remind me of all that was right in my world. Mentally I traveled down the memories symbolized in the bracelet I had long ago taken off. I realized something…I missed my memories.
When I got home there was a package waiting on me. Inside were memory beads I had made from my grandmothers casket spray.
Serendipitous. And I thought of lost my love of serendipity but Monday it felt restored.
I missed my memories. I wanted them back. Enough had been taken frome without my control…my memories shouldn’t be another victim.
Resolute, I got my bracelet out of the dark recess of the cabinet I had hidden it in. I took it off the shelf, out of the box and released it from the darkness of the jewelry pouch. When I put it away I put it far out of sight and mind!
I took it out and quickly took off all the beads. Once it was a clean slate I went about polishing the bracelet. In part to clean it, in part to stall while I worked up the courage to start the decision making process.
My son reached over and grabbed a charm. “What’s this?” He asked. I answered the obvious…- a pretzel. I didn’t add why I had a pretzel on my charm bracelet. Mentally I placed that bead in the “won’t put back on” stack. Until my son took the memory and twisted it just the slightest bit. “Oh…like that pretzel we got on the street in New York!!!!” And just like that what was a symbol of something that made me sad was re-inveted to something happy. “Yes. Just like that,” I answered. He went in to reminisce about our trip to New York. It made me happy to remember through his eyes. The bead promptly went back on.
He picked up each bead and asked about it’s meaning. In telling him what they meant I was able to use “I” not “we” for a lot of them. A simple twist and the facet of my memory exploded in new colors.
The carriage reminded me of the first time my big girl saw Cinderella’s castle. The shoulders she was riding on hold no importance to the mew memory. It went back on.
The bootie with the pink stone. That’s when I found out my baby was a girl. The baby carriage…a reminder being pregnant with my baby girl. Just a simple turn of a memory so I could see it in a new light. Both went back on.
The bee with the crown...I am the queen bee now. An added plus-the funny expression on the face of the charm face reminds me to laugh at the absurdity of it all. It went on.
The bird, the green bead and the mosaic all went back on too. My son asking about their meaning changed the memories they represented and I fell in love with the new memory and allowed the new to replace the old.
The blue bead symbolizing my sons YMCA football days, the vines symbolizing the first time he swam competitively at a state event, the softball…each went fondly back on my bracelet and back into my memories.
The star from the summer they both won state medals, the aqua marine that is the exact color of ocean water…they went on too. They went on because I was able to see another side to memory I thought was forever lost.
In the end only a few beads didn’t make it back in. They symbolized memories that couldn’t be looked at any other way. And you know what…it’s okay. Now I have room for more memories—new memories; but I get to take back some of my old ones.