1st mistake–thinking I looked cute today in my birthday present from my parents. And by cute I mean as cute as one can be at this size and age. Should have known better. The universe has a way of having the last laugh.
2nd mistake-cheap shoes
3rd mistake–getting all flustered and giddy at the sight of a 25 year old cutie patootie in his precious new interview suit and super trendy messenger bag
4th mistake-too mich baby powder in said cheap shoes.
Let me ‘splain.
My real job has me in my office and in my chair 99% of the day. Recently I’ve picked up some of my old duties which have me up and moving. This old-new role has me channeling my inner Julie-the-cruise-director-from The Love Boat persona. It’s been a while since I’ve played this role and I am little rusty. I obviously also forget that while Julie always looked dapper in her blue and white which her snazzy little neck kerchief she also wore comfy and sensible white lace up shoes. For a reason.
It’s Friday. I donned my cute new shirt, accessorized and slid into some cute flats that matched my cute shirt. I have a picture…NOT because I am that egotistical but because I wanted to show my mom that I was wearing their birthday present.
Walking into work I noticed my shoes flopping a bit. That was an issue because they aren’t floppy shoes. A little creative toes squeezing and the flopping stayed at a minimum. I made it to my office and prepared to start my day. Remember I am used to sitting 9 hours a day.
I hadn’t moved at 11am when I was notifed that my candidate had arrived for his interview. Okay. I drew a deep breath, put on my happy face, channeled my Julie and headed downstairs to greet him.
Ahhhh-doooorrr-able. He was easily 1/2 my age. I don’t mean anything by this comment except for the very fact that he was precious. He jumped up and offered me his hand. “Ms. Hayes?” Slightly scruffy beard and the whitest teeth this side of a Colgate commercial. “Hi! I am…” He introduced himself and shook my hand with all the enthusiasm of a new college grad interviewing for his first real job…wait a minute…he was a new college grad interviewing for his first real job. He he on a suit with skinny pants and a skinny tie. Probably the first time he’d ever had it on. His mom probably tied the tie.
I made it through the introductions-somehow. Like I said I was out of practice at the whole perky-sociable thing and I’ve always been flustered around preciously adorable fellows. And this little guy was adorable.
Pause-I am an old, out of shape and slightly lumpy lady who needs a little-okay A LOT of-work. When I say adorable I don’t mean in a flirty-notice-me-kind of way. I simply mean innocently adorable. Just an old lady appreciating the cuteness of a young lad. Nothing creepy.
I explain the interview was in another building and that I would be escorting him there. He nodded eagerly and reached down to grab his messenger bag. Oh my gosh. He looked like a banana republic young professional advertisement. The ease at which he flung the bag across his shoulder as he opened the door for me let me know a) this wasn’t just a prop he really was messenger bag cool and b) his momma raised him right. Men my age can’t pull off the messenger bag look. Oh but this 25 year old cutie could! I made sure he was on my “good teeth” side and we headed out.
While we walked I gave my speil. Luckily it all came back to me. As I recited our great benefit package he nodded and grinned like it was the coolest thing he’d ever heard. And I guess it probably was. He’d probably never had paid time off or affordable healthcare. He practically giggled when I mentioned company paid vision insurance.
He was so enthusiastic and so cute I totally got lost in the crusie-director persona. I turned in the recruiter charm and talked. I was so engrossed in telling him what a great place it was to work that I totally forget to do my creative toe squeeze thing.
Picture this…dumpy little old lady in a super cute shirt sauntering down the sidewalk chatting it up with a smiley, handsome, messenger- bag-wearing young lad wearing a skinny legged suit.
That lasted about 1 minute.
I can’t even lead up to this well…
Here I am thinking I am cute in my shirt talking to a precious little boy and bam! My 2nd and 3rd mistake collide. I forgot about my shoes. I totally fogot the flip flopping of my flats until I was sashaying down the sidewalk with cutie-patootie and….
You can’t make this stuff up….
Walked right out of my shoes!
Mid-speech I had to stop. I glanced down and there are my toes-covered in white baby powder and chipped purple nail polish-naked and bare against the hot cement. My mishappen shoe was on the sidewalk behind me!
I grinned weakly, held up a single finger indicating we were pausing and looked down. To my horror he looked down too. In slow motion, I back peddled to where my shoe lay empty. I slid it back on. Once on, I Squeezed my toes with all the force I could muster. I dropped my finger indicating the pause was over and resumed the speech and the walk.
Reason 876 while I must not date. Ever.