10/26 was my wedding anniversary.
10/24, today, is the 1st anniversary of my 2nd divorce.
It is what it is. And it is 365 days. That’s it. There are years that 365 held the happiest days I’ve had and there are years, like this one, that held some of the darkest. Both lasted 365 days. I’ve celebrated happy anniversaries-usually around this time of year-surrounded by fall colors, brisk air, pumpkins and delectable pumpkin spice. This year I’ll recognize an anniversary-surrounded by fall colors, cool, brisk air, pumpkins and delectable pumpkin spice.
This year I bought a pumpkin and a mum. This year I didn’t run from the fall. I didn’t look at everything as reminding me of where I was then I am just trying to fall back in love with my favorite season. 365 days helped me to be able to do that I guess.
If I am changing my story I can’t re-read the same chapter over and over (I read that on Pinterest so it must be right) so this blog isn’t about the pain of today or the sadness of the date. Instead it’s about the 365 days today represents.
In 365 days:
- I’ve hosted a party at my little home.
- I’ve been on a date.
- I’ve taken back a name I love.
- I’ve almost completed a task to correct something that reminded me everyday of betrayal. Ironically my next to last dentist trip is Monday. I’ll really have my smile back on a day I didn’t expect to smile much.
- I’ve rebuilt my playlist on my phone. Who knew you needed a pre-nup for i-tunes???
- I’ve learned to accept help (sorta).
- I’ve traveled with my bigs which is oh-so-important to me.
- I’ve got a tee-niney savings account again.
- I’ve made my fall soup recipes which I couldn’t do last year. Stupid…I know…but the strangest things bring back the hardest memories.
- I’ve checked “divorced” on forms without crying.
- I’ve made it through an entire Adele song without sobbing. Victory.
- I’ve thrown away scrapbooks and handmade memory albums–not out of anger–but out of quiet resolve.
- I’ve grown out my hair. I’ve grown out my girth too but that’s not exactly something to be proud of.
- I’ve been to swim meets and softball games abs school functions alone and have managed to clap and cheer without spending too much time pondering in the empty seat beside me.
- I’ve made decisions on my own
- I’ve created a home for my loves.
- I’ve found a faith-a stronger faith-that I’ve worked on every day.
- I’ve seen a snake in my house, hosted a garage sale by myself and have moved 2 couches-just me and my son and I’ve plunged a toliet. Significant-yes because as a single lady the first time you encounter what used to be his job you feel helpless and alone until you get ‘Er done and then you feel victorious!
- I’ve taught my son to drive.
- I’ve bought my son a suit.
- I’ve taught my son how to be a good date. Me. I did that.
- I’ve heard news about my baby girl that was hard but I am going to get her help. I wanted to lean on someone for that but there was no one to lean on. And that’s okay.
- I’ve not let it go but I’ve put parts of it away. Maybe the next 365 days the let it go will be easier. (Crap-now I’ve got that song ringing in my ears!)
- I’ve practiced softball with my big girl despite being athletically challenged.
- I’ve made my own coffee.
In 365 days I’ve just lived a life. I don’t want to give today more power than it deserves but in this new life of mine today plays a significant part. So I will tip my head to acknowledge today and what it is. But I will, I hope, give this day so more power than to be what it is…just another day.