I leapt and a fell and I thought I wasn’t meant to fly. But you read that and in different ways helped lift me up.
I was encouraged to redefine my definition of flying. So I did. And that helped. Eagles fly high-higher then any other bird. Just because I am not an eagle flying high doesn’t mean that I can’t fly. There is nothing wrong with flying a little lower to the ground. I also realized that though I am not flying now it doesn’t mean I won’t ever be able to. It means I have to back up and get a better running start next time. I also accepted that until I fly I need to learn to be content on the ground.
Another friend reminded me that, with faith, the stronger it grows the more it can be tested. So maybe it want that it wasn’t enough but that it is becoming enough.
I was encouraged and told that I was enough. People I trust reminded me that I had done enough and that sometimes doing enough was just staying upright and moving forward. And I’ve done that and will continue to do that. Some days that just have to be enough.
Fueled by raw emotion I hit the family stuff head on. An hour later after a lot of honesty, a few tears and everybody talking my little family was back on the same page. Turns out they were feeling like they were not enough either. So I fixed that. I spent a lot of time telling them that they were…they were enough. I used words to tell them I was proud of them and why. I told them how much I loved them. I told my big boy that watching him every morning run down the stairs to body cuddle his baby sister and tell her he loved her made my heart burst. I said–to my girl words she’s never heard but needed to know…she was the kindest of my babies and though she hid it sometimes her sweet, kind heart were precious to me. I told my son I admired him for all he does for the sport he loves. I bragged on Kinsley’s wide range of friends and in big boys ability to interact with adults. They are enough and I told them. Again and again and again.
This morning I put on some lipstick, slapped a smile on my face and hiked up my big girl panties and faced it. I did what I do as well as I could do without comparing myself to anyone or to any imaginary validation stick. A few times my smile slipped but I managed to get it back.
So thank you to everyone who lifted me up yesterday when I couldn’t find my wings.