’tis the season for _____there are many ways to fill in the blank. For this blog we will use: for lots of emotions.
It’s Christmas and you are supposed to be joyful so by golly you start the season determined the feel joy. If you forget, temporarily, there are constant reminders everywhere you look. Fuzzy red noses on cars. Lights on cars, on restaurants, on buildings…heck…on every conceivable and some non-conceivable services. There are plaques proclaiming joy. Glitter adorns everything. There are ringing bells and people humming. Joy.
The determination to feel joy quickly gives way to envy. Envy of those who felt enough honest joy to decorate their cars for crying outloud. Envy at the houses all aglow. Envy at the people who had the forethought and the energy to send Christmas cards. Envy at the smiling shoppers who had a plan. Envy at those with Christmas invitations and Christmas plans. Envy at those that knew their plans would include all of their loved ones and not shifts of loved ones that rotated based on year and divorce decrees. Envy at smiling, happy, while families smiling in color coordinated outfits in front of rustic backgrounds.
Then comes the guilt. It’s Christmas and you are supposed to feel joy-not envy. Guilt because there will be no cards this year-mainly because having to list 4 people and 3 last names is just more then you can bare. Guilt because there isn’t enough to time nor energy left at the end of the day to pull out the box of ornaments or the boxes and boxes of santas. Guilt because though you knew you could find the energy you don’t have the heart to endure the memories that the “our first house” ornament will cause. Guilt because you have little ones that deserve Christmas magic that you aren’t providing. Guilt that you aren’t making homemade, hand decorated sugar cookies or handmade gifts this year. Guilt…lots and lots of guilt.