There are acceptable times for the sentiment I can make that!  Then there are times when I should just say no. No. No-I can’t make that. No. I shouldn’t do that myself. Just no. 

I don’t listen to reason. 

Re-doing my kitchen is one of those times. I should have said NO. 

I didn’t. 

I had a need to re-do, re-create and re-store. It was a near anniversary of a pretty awful time in my life. I didn’t have control over any of that. I suppose self-consciously I wanted to be able to control something…I wanted to make something new and bright and shiny. 

My kitchen was the perfect victim. 

Instead, with little to no thought I jumped right in and went full bore into the do-it-yourself-project from hell. If I ever decide to get a tattoo DDIY is in the running as an option. Maybe then I’ll remember that I really suck at painting. Really. Suck. 

Big girl had a non-date Saturday. I dropped her off at 1p and picked her up at 2p. Up until 2:05 I’d planned to spend the day watching spring football. At 2:06 the girl and I decided to not go to that game and to be productive instead. 

At 4p we had paint, supplies and were knee deep in Behr. Goodbye yellow and the  kitschy apron border. Hello coastal blue. 

The only bright spot of this project was that my big girl and I rocked it and didn’t have a single cross word. At one point she said,”It would be fine with me if you wanted to brag about your favorite child and our re-do.” Funny girl. I told her she was definitely my favorite child to create and craft with. And I meant it. We actually has fun. 

So we got some paint on the ceiling. So the border wouldn’t come all the way off the wall. So we got some of the floor. If you don’t count all that the first part of the project went fine. 

Problem happened at 8a when, after 5 hours sleep, I made the grave mistake of stalking pintrest and reading pins that proclaimed painting cabinets to be easy and so with it. 

Lies. All lies. 

At noon we were at Lowesz at 2 we were cracking open the gray chalk paint. At 2:18 I knew I didn’t have the sense God gave a goat. The chalk paint was drying and needed HELP. So I began the whtewashjng texhnique. At 2:23 I thought what the hell am I doing????  It was awful. Bad. Streaky. Blotchy. My daughters 3 feet hair strands were stuck in at least 3 doors. There were globs and white parts that wouldn’t buff. 

At 2:47 I am wondering…do I keep going or do I admit defeat and hire this out?  At this point 1/2 were done and 1/2 were not. Neither 1/2 looked good. The question was which 1/2 sucked to least??? 
At 3:06 I made a frantic call to my son with specific instructions on what to get.  I don’t know exactly why I thought dark antique wax would: a) be smart b) make a difference c) be something I could do ’cause it wasn’t smart, it made the bad so much worse and evidently dark waxing stain is something you really need to understand before trying to use. 

At 3:48 I threw more money at the project from hell when the fella came home with $50 more in supplies. 

At 5:30 I made the 4th trip to the store convinced that new cabinet hardware would be the miracle I needed and make everything okay. At 6:19 I knew that new hardware would not save the day. At 6:30 I said to hell with it and barked orders to the fella to just put everything back where it goes. 

When it doubt accessorize. 

 DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF should really be my new motto. 


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