MOMMA!

11:40pm boy hugs me goodnight. He reeks of chicken.

5:00am “momma! I feel like crap. But I am going to swimming.” At least I think that’s what he said. 

6:45 am. “Momma! You have to get up. I have to be at school early for student council. ‘Ahm-up’ I just have muttered. It had been a bad shingles night so I’d taken an anti-itch pill which I don’t normally allow myself on weeknights. They wipe me out. 

7:10am “MOMMA!”oops.

7:20am Straight outta bed-still in my pajamas I get the princess to school on time.

8:20 I get to work. Coffee. Blessed coffee. My boss clocks in before me. I claim “busted” and swipe my badge. 

10:30 I woff down some popcorn. Breakfast. 

10:31am son calls from nurses office. I had just gotten out of my chair for the first time that day. Phone tag ensues. It’s round robin for a bit before I hear that he’s checked out on orders from Nirse. Crap. Guess he did feel bad. 

10:40ish I answer my work phone in my new scripted perky greeting. It’s my daughters teacher. She’s busted out of her shoe. It must have been a blow out. I have to bring her shoes. AGH!

Catch sick boy he agrees he can make the shoe run. 

11:00 ish. “Hey baby,” I start in my sweetest mommy voice only to realize I am holding my work phone to my ear and not my cell phone which means I have just called my boss baby. I spend the next 3 minutes leaving a long rambling message apologizing for calling her baby. I should have just hung up. 

Meanwhile a text pops up “momma why did c leave school?”seems the school app sent my nosy Nellie of a daughter a text about my high school son leaving school. 

1:30 ish I grab some banana pudding and a Diet Coke for lunch. Nutrition of champions I tell ya. Yep that weigh in next week is going to go well. 

2:00 ish I start the process of making sure 3000+ people get paid correctly next week. It’s sort of important. 

2:17 school again. Different teacher. Slight accident on the playground and my girl is wet. In an award worthy mommy moment I ask if there is anything they can put on her. 

2:30 another call. They’ve found clothes but she’s commando. I tell them to put her on the bus to after school and I’ll get there as soon as I can. 

3:00 walk my buddy through filling out clinic forms. 

3:15 I walk him through what tell his boss because he’s supposed to work tonight. 

4:00 I finish the most pressing of assignment. My phone is going crazy. I call it quits and head out to be a mom. 

4:17 I console son who is about to lose it because the strep test about made him throw up. 

5:00 ish arrive to her girl. She comes to the car looking like little orphan Annie. I can’t help it. I bust out laughing. That doesn’t go over well. “Momma!” She complains. Her shorts-obviously boys-are 3 sizes too big. Her shirt too. She has on tennis shoes with no socks. The only thing funnier is thinking of her earlier in her little chiffon dress and tennis shoes before the accident. “What happened?” I managed to ask. Evidentially her playmates made her laugh so hard that she wet her pants. “And MOMMA…I had to go to after school commando!” I laugh harder. It’s not funny-it’s not. But all I can do is laugh. 

“In look dumb. Just dumb,” she grumbles sending me back into the giggles. 


Meanwhile it’s strep and the boy is  out is school until Monday. That doesn’t hurt his feelings. He’s also scheduled to work Friday and Saturday for then Georgia game. Now he can’t. That DOES hurt his feelings. 

We make it to store for antibiotic pick up. Girl is mortified to have to go in like she’s dressed. Every 3 steps she has to stop and hike up her shorts. I laugh each time. She is not amused. I agree to buy and feed the girl a Popsicle to ease her fragile mood. That mollified her for the car ride. Meanwhile I drive and walk my fella through how to manage the work scenario. 

Boy heads to his fathers to sleep it off because his big sister FREAKS OUT when anyone is sick. He mimics her cowering away from him in horror. 

The pop sickle has kicked in–it was sugar free but no one told her that—and my gymnast has some 473 cartwheels and faux handstands inside and commando. It’s not a pretty site. I coerce her into pants. 


I set a reminder in my phone so I don’t leave my big girl at school where she is working concessions to raise cheerleading funds and then gets to stay for a middle school bash. 

Girl is starving. Dog is going crazy and my face hurts. But I am laughing at the absolute absurdity this day has been. 

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