I survived yesterday despite my 6 year old eating an entire GIGANTIC Hershey kiss intended for her teacher who was absent. The whole thing. All of it.
I am blaming the rest of the day on a chocolate hangover.
Let’s back up a bit:
Checking your online dating profile in Valentine’s is not a good idea. In fact it’s a very bad idea. What was I thinking?!! Especially considering my track record. I didn’t think my ego could take another hit. Wrong.
Disclaimer: the following is not nice. I know it’s not nice.
I was wrong-my ego took some pretty violent hits as I began scrolling. Match.com in its infinite wisdom picked the following as matches for me.
Might be a lovely person but the padlocks around the neck weren’t my style. In fact they scared me a bit (a lot). I wondered what in his profile possibly matched mine. I didnt investigate. I moved on
I might be judgmental but what kind of grown man over 17 puts a shirtless picture of himself with his tongue sticking out??? What about that screamed “get to know me”? Based in Poor judgment I moved on.
Again-these might be perfectly nice people. But this is a dating site. This is where you put your best foot forward. A place where you are supposed to sell yourself. A place to highlight the best parts of yourself.
Really??? This is what you use to attract a person of the opposite sex?! This is you putting your best foot forward? What is it with grown men thinking it’s remotely attractive to stick out there tongue?!?
Match.com isn’t looking very promising. Back to the drawing board.
The day after
Having survived the atrocities of the night before I expected today to be a piece of cake.
I was wrong.
The principal of the elementary school called. It wasn’t to tell me what a fine job I was doing raising my little one. Not by a long shot. The conversation involved “slap””cheek””unprovoked” and “not sorry” immediately followed by “spending her recess for the next few days in my office” and “might want to talk to her”. The rest of it you can probably piece together.
In one piece of luck she wasn’t with me tonight. I filled in her dad and asked her to give me her version. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when I read the re-cap of their conversation. Turns outhe would not play with her. Not a good idea. In perfect 6 year old logic she tried to convice him to play by….I still can’t even….she hit him. Smack Dab in the face. You can read the rest:
Oh well. At least I have an idea what next years handmade Valentine’s will look like. I can’t put happy Valentine’s Day on the placard she is holding to her chest on her mug shot. Maybe they’ll let me visit her in prison on Valentine’s Day. Hey, I’ll always have something to do.
I worked late and missed dinner with friends. Had to work extra to earn future bail money.
Between raising a 6 year old Rhonda Rousey, only being attractive to men resembling extras from the walking dead and missing my friends to work I was not very confident that the day after was going to end on a high note.
I was wrong.
Better go…I have to hide the chocolate before Rocky gets home.