Be the change 

I want 2017 to be better than 2016.

I saw this and thought…okay.

Okay…it’s time to get off the proverbial “couch”. I suppose o have been waiting…waiting for something to change. Waiting but not doing anything about it. Sitting. Waiting. Wondering what happens next. 

Turns out things don’t just happen or change because you are sitting and waiting for things to change. Seems as if action is required. Huh.

So…get off the couch. 

Make a change…well…getting off the couch would be a change. Guess that’s not enough? So…I don’t quite like how my life looks or feels right now. So I need to get up and so something about it. 

I am going to start simple. Replace the things I see everyday that make me feel icky. It’s silly but everyday…on the couch…all I see is nasty, stained carpet. It’s 9 years old. It’s been stained by a renter. Dogs. Toddlers. Play doh. Juice. Crappy vacuum cleanrs…it’s all taken a toll. And it drives some crazy. It’s sad. It’s embarrassing. So I am changing it. 

And while I am changing it I might just clear things out to make more room. We hurriedly moved into our very humble abode. I packed a 4 bedroom house and 3 stuff-loving-kids into a 2 bedroom townhouse. And I crammed it with too much stuff. Eventually too much stuff makes the walls feel like they are closing end. No more. 

Truth be told I like our little place. It’s room enough. We gather in our den. My dad made sure my son had walls. My room is calming. My kids get to go to great schools. I have a porch and a deck. It’s snug. Some might think it’s small but in good days I think it’s cozy. Yes, if I have a crock pot on the counter I have no room to do…oh…anything  BUT I have cabinets that my daughter and I redid together. I have a cheery curtain my mom made. I have food in the pantry. We are safe and warm. 

And I did it on my own. It’s my name on the mortgage. Mine. It was almost lost but, with help,I saved it. I am proud that I bought it, proud of myself for finding a solution when I was faced with the biggest challenge of my life. 

I need to quit seeing the small and get back to remembering what it represents. 

So I am going to make a change that will allow me to like my little place again. 

I bought concert tickets to a venue in downtown Athens. And I plan on going. I may panic and change my mind but, for now, I’ve made it possible to “go out”. I took action to change my story. That’s the best part…I took action. 

I went on a dating site…lord help me…I despise the process but deep down I think it’s more about being willing to take that  first step than anything else. It’s more about trying to make my story about more than what I offer as a mom. That’s my greatest joy, my biggest and best accomplishment, my true love…but they need to see me as more than a chauffeur. I think my son needs to see that I have a life before he will feel hopeful about starting one of his own. 

So…I am taking action. I hate it. But I am doing it…I even agreed to a meet. He cancelled. I didn’t. As much as I hate it, as much as I didn’t want to do it…I didn’t back away. I don’t want to be lonely anymore so I did something. Thank god I didn’t have to actually go on a date. But I would have…

I am challenging myself to get up, get out and to make changes. I want changes. I want 2017 to be different from 2016 and I know that making things different is up to me. Nobody else can make me happy. I have to make me happy. 

And I hope that these changes help me smile more. I hope to get my fierce back. I want to quit being a spectator to a show I don’t enjoy. I want to star in a life I am proud of. 

Show more gratitude. That I need to take to heart. I don’t mean to see the glass as 1/2 empty. I truly don’t. I will never be the bubbly, sunny character who sees it 1/2 full either. I am old enough and wise enough to know and admit that about myself. 

But as the quote goes…it doesn’t matter if you see the glass and 1/2 full or 1/2 empty. I need to remember the glass is refillable. I’ve been living in 1/2 empty. Now it’s time to acknowledge that there is room in my glass for me to fill it back up. 

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