There is one thing I can count on at the start of a vacation. And no, it’s not panicking that I didn’t turn off the oven, that’s the ONE thing I DONT worry about.
Everything else is free game.
As the vacation starts I have episodes of sheer panic, fear and emotion. To the point of physically feeling a panic attack waiting just under the surface.
- Is it that I am solely responsible for little humans in a foreign country?
- Is it panic about spending the money?
- Is it loneliness? Vacations tend to be full of shiny,happy PARTNERED people.
- Is it that I don’t know how to let loose and just BE?
- Is it worry that it won’t live up to expectations? Worry that the little humans will be disappointed?
- Is it that I am worried I am not capable of navigating the unknown?
- Is it the worry that the “what was” or what I thought would be will sneak in and strangle me if I let down my guard and loosen my grip?
What if…what if…what if…
It’s all racing through my mind…all of it. At once. At the same time.
It’s stupid, it’s silly but it’s real.
Tonight I’ll grab a beer. I’ll enjoy my big babies and I’ll smile like I am calm, cool and collected.
Tomorrow I’ll be fine. We will board the boat. The kids will take off. I’ll grab a book, a drink and a pool chair and finally, finally take a deep breath. It will we okay. It will.
It’s an adventure. We are together. We will make memories. I’ll find my groove. I’ll find my brave and I’ll embrace it all. Tomorrow. Tomorrow it will all be okay.
likemymamasays 