Zoom out

I haven’t even finished my blogs about the wonderfully fabulous vacation and BAM! Real life is back—with a vengeance.

My dramatic middle child has been moping around like a zombie in the walking dead. She’s moody. Irritable. Downright sullen and rude.

Today I asked all of them to pitch in to help organize and arrange some things. Ahhh…the gall.

After the 3rd time of her standing there like nothing needed doing I snapped.

She snapped back.

Evidently life in this house without her brother is just more than she can imagine. Actually the idea of life with me and the bug is just abhorrent. Ahh…and when my face betrayed that I found that declaration slightly hurtful she sighed dramatically and huffed,”see I knew you would make it about you!”

Uhhhh. Wasn’t it about me?

Zoom out into my bigger, broader world. There are countless stories and blogs about the zoomed out version of life. The parts we crop out in at attempt to make our lives instragam and Facebook worthy.

I don’t live in the cropped version. I parade our lives out as they are-messy and ugly and chaotic.

And this my friends is the zoomed out version.

My son dryly said,”I do stop y’all from killing each other.”

Not helping.

So the hero of this story scoops up the bug and the drama queen to take them, in my car, to work and to play while I, the ogre, attempt to pick up the pieces of my little home.

Yes…we are all going to miss my fella when he leaves next week. My little big adores him and he dotes on her. Sometimes he’s the only one who has enough energy or patience for her.

Now the teen queen has announced that he’s the only one she can TALK TO and that all she wants to do is cry thinking about living on THIS house without him.

Me? Well…after our cruise we drove thru his new home-Georgia College and State University. It’s lovely. His new apartment is almost nicer than this home. A new life awaits him. As much as I will miss him I found myself equally excited FOR him.

The summer program is designed to take care of him. He will be allowed to ease into college life. He will be free of the burdens that weigh him down here. I found myself excited for him and all that awaits him. Being saddled with my sad isn’t right nor fair. So I’ve found myself happy. Happy for him. Proud for him. The worry of how I am going to make it work and the sadness I will feel without him here got shelved. To quote Scarlett tomorrow is another day. I had decided how I feel was going to have to wait until the day after he wasn’t here.

But not now. Now I have drama girl sucking the positive energy right out of the very room she claims she can’t be in.

What the hell do I do now????

This week isn’t about her. It’s about him. But her emotions, her moods are like a black hole or the infamous Bremuda Triangle. Get too close and they will suck you up and crush you.

I need a manual.

I’ve never navigated these waters. I don’t know how to keep him excited and engaged while navigating HER.

For years I’ve lived off the mantra suck it up buttercup because that’s all I could do. She didn’t inherit the suck it up gene.

So zoom out from the sun filled, happy days of just a week ago and see inside the un-cropped version of our lives.

Pretty, isn’t it?

I’ve got a truck in the shop, a boy who just realized he’s got 4 major novels on utopia to read before classes start, a bored and busted 8 year old who is manic from the lack of a schedule and a hormonal, emotional teen on the brink of a breakdown. I am losing a chauffeur at most in opportune time. And I am grappling with my own emotions of packing my beloved fella off for college.

And I have a daughter who has publicly announced she doesn’t want to live here without her brother.

I am open to advice here.


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